photoxgraph:

I’ve crossed the world and i’m still not sure what i’m searching for, or why I thought it would find me here.

As I fight for sleep the loneliness of adventure consumes me.

Too many thoughts aching to be heard. 

My mind can’t seem to find the peace amongst all this chaos. 

And the deafening silence– well it screams the loudest of all. 

Everything I’ve ever dreamed and ever feared haunts each quiet moment. 

I clumsily sew a smile into my heart and convince myself it’s real. 

Then I dive blindly into my future. 

With each stroke I delve deeper into murky uncharted waters.

Blind hope. Wavering faith. Constant apprehension. 

And still despite the fear that devours my soul I keep swimming. 

Most days the waters moves too fast I can barely keep afloat. 

No matter how hard I try I can never turn back. 

The weight of decisions and choices, past, present and future, weigh on me like an anchor tied to my ankle.

I refuse to let the word regret be thought–regret is nothing but a current that pulls you off course. 

But i’m in too far, too fast, too much.

Then suddenly yet slowly clarity washes over me, a giant wave straight to the face. 

When I surface gasping for air I realize–This is my life. My ship.

I’m the captain. Graceless and naive?–Yes. But still in control.

I’ve crossed the world and I’m still not sure what I’m searching for, but I know one day I’ll find it. 

I steady my hands and I swim on.